What’s her name ?

She was speaking like an anchor of some shitty TV reality show. Thought stopped when I heard the sentence. She said that if shark dies, it will reach to the bottom of the ocean and parasites will help the corpse to decompose. Why was she saying these childish things to a stranger ?

I met her in an ocean. She was sobbing sitting in a side of the shore. I was a teenager. Hormones leveled up. I went there and talked to her. I’ve met a lot of girls in my life. None of them were this one. All of them were shy to conversate but she wasn’t.

I went to her and asked why was she crying. She said that she just dived into the ocean and somebody pulled her out. I asked why did she do so ? She replied a story of a dead shark and how it body decomposes.

I asked her about her parents. She said that she was left in the gate of an orphanage when she was of 6 months. She continued that she just left the orphanage the day before. And I asked ‘Where will you go ?’ She replied with a sob,’ I have nowhere to go. My maps left me at the orphanage.’ And now I knew the reason for her diving and why was she crying by being pulled out ?

I took her to my place. Nobody her teased her even being a single girl in the bachelor’s flat. Because flat rent was being paid by my father.

I bought her some new clothes. She looked amazing. I fell in love with her prettiness.

After some months relation with each other one night, we fucked. Yeah, we didn’t make love because while making love both partner’s feelings are needed to be true. But here that wasn’t. I just wanted to fuck her. So, we fucked.
She moaned and said that this was her second time. I ignored her words cause I was enjoying the act. I slept in 3AM. Woke up after the alarm and she was gone.

Yeah, the orphan girl I found on ocean was gone. The girl I fucked was gone. This is the first time I had some feelings for that girl.

Somehow, I managed to get her photo from our album and searched every orphanage to see if she’d returned. And there was this orphanage where she almost lived her teen-life. I entered the reception and showed the photo and then I knew the story.

She fell in love with a keeper boy of the orphanage. Receptionist said,’ But he didn’t loved her. He just wanted to …’ She paused. I understood. ‘He had her and after that night we never saw her.’

I felt like falling from the sky. I returned home. I hated myself. I shouldn’t have done that. One of my friend shouted,’ Open the TV.’

News anchor not beautiful as her was reciting a news story of a girl who tied herself with a stone and dived in the ocean. And the corpse got lost. CCTV camera of a nearby shop managed to tape the video. She was she. She was the ocean girl I loved.

Was sex the reason ? Why did she suicide ? Why her suicide was related with sex ? I needed some answers.

Today. I am standing right in the shore where I met that girl before. Smiling not crying like her. I’m with my new girlfriend. I searched the answers for few months. Then I lost. I quitted everything about the girl and moved on.

‘Let’s sit here and let our feet play with the ocean.’ She said. We sat there and freed our feet from shoes. Sitting there for a minute and she said,’ Parasites and fishes from the ocean feed with our dead skin and make it soft.’

There. That line reversed each and every chapter of the story of ocean girl and mine. That line reminded me of the girl again. I said to my girlfriend, ‘When shark dies, it’s body remains in the bottom of the ocean and parasites will decompose it.’ She got surprised about what did I just said. It was just out of the context.

While she was in confusion, I was staring at the ocean where I imagined in the bottom there will be a body of a shark being decomposed along with her body. Her eyes open still. Same prettiness not yet faded. Her dreams tied as the stone. Her prettiness will glow the ocean until the corpse gets decomposed.

I remember everything about her but why not her name ? Oh! I forgot to ask her name. She never said her name and I never asked too. So, she was and always be an ocean girl for me.

I didn’t knew when I closed my eyes while imagining the whole ocean scene. I opened them. Got disbalanced and fell on the water. My girl didn’t knew how to swim. She cried for help. One man came, dived and pulled me out. I was wet sitting there. ‘I’ll go and bring a towel.’ I said ‘Okay’ in a blubbering voice. She ran to a beach shop.

It was winter season. I was crying because of the cold water. When somebody just patted on my shoulder AMD asked, ‘Why are you crying ?’

3:36 PM
4th February 2018.

It’s been a long time I had this incident. I was invited on a party in a friend’s home. They were talking about love. They asked that if I have ever done true love. I nodded. They asked the name. ‘What was her name ?’ I questioned myself. I told them the whole story and they suggested the best suggestion I have ever had in my life.
Just go to orphanage and ask. They said.

I runned there. Was going to reach there. And suddenly I was hit by a truck and died.

I just died because few people would have commented this story needs a sequel. Let’s see. It’s god who create couples. He should have created a partner of this story too.

© Jaidip Subedi

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